Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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