the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
