i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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