guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
