I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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