Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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