ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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