my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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