Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
