so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
