wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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