Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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