You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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