thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
