i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
