Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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