I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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