Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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