so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
