omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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