i don't like sucking hair
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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