the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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