Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
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I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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