Who did Billy Mays play for?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
