oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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