i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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