im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are my feet made of real feet?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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