3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
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Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
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You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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