there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
