perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
