i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
