Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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