In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
