They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
