talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
