i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
