my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
