A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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