Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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