She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
