I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
