my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
