You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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