My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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