All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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