Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
