Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
