Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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