Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
