standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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