You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
