that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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