he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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