Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
