im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
