I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
