I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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