at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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