so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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