The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
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You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
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Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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