Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize