He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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