we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
