Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
