So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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