One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm too high and old for this...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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