Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
