Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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