You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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