my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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