All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
