That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
