I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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