4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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