please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
