is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
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A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
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The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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