Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She even gives head with a lisp.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
