It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So much Jack, so little girl.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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