Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
