Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
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