Me too!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
